Times are a changing

The house is so quiet this morning, a sign of how my days are going to be now. I'm not so sure I like it.  It seems I've been giving myself pep talks for weeks. Today is the first day of school.

Several years ago a friend told me that if you are doing it right, your children leave. Yes, they leave. They go to school, they go to college, they get married, they build new families. This is how it's supposed to be. My job as a parent is to prepare my child for life. And life constantly changes. I don't do so well with change.

Last year around this time, I put my little buddy on the bus for the first time and it was hard. He was so excited and he loves school. I was and still am over the moon proud of him, but then again what momma doesn't feel that way about her boy? I had little sister here to keep me busy. but this year is different. She will be getting on that same bus and leaving.

I know that I'm not the only mom going through this right now. My facebook feed is full of first day of school pictures and status of moms that are ready and some that seem just a nervous as I am.

A conversation the kids and I had in the car yesterday pretty much sums the whole thing up.

Little Sister: I'm so excited for tomorrow.

Buddy: Mommy isn't excited for us to go to school.

Me: I'm just going to miss you two bunches.

Little Sister: Aren't you excited for us to go and learn? 

Me: Yes! I'm very excited for you to go and learn.

My heart is heavy and confused. I'm excited, nervous, sad, proud, and feeling overwhelming blessed all at the same time. I don't want my kids to see me cry or know that I'm nervous. They'll understand someday, and maybe like me they'll think of their momma and know I felt the same way.