Times are a changing

The house is so quiet this morning, a sign of how my days are going to be now. I'm not so sure I like it.  It seems I've been giving myself pep talks for weeks. Today is the first day of school.

Several years ago a friend told me that if you are doing it right, your children leave. Yes, they leave. They go to school, they go to college, they get married, they build new families. This is how it's supposed to be. My job as a parent is to prepare my child for life. And life constantly changes. I don't do so well with change.

Last year around this time, I put my little buddy on the bus for the first time and it was hard. He was so excited and he loves school. I was and still am over the moon proud of him, but then again what momma doesn't feel that way about her boy? I had little sister here to keep me busy. but this year is different. She will be getting on that same bus and leaving.

I know that I'm not the only mom going through this right now. My facebook feed is full of first day of school pictures and status of moms that are ready and some that seem just a nervous as I am.

A conversation the kids and I had in the car yesterday pretty much sums the whole thing up.

Little Sister: I'm so excited for tomorrow.

Buddy: Mommy isn't excited for us to go to school.

Me: I'm just going to miss you two bunches.

Little Sister: Aren't you excited for us to go and learn? 

Me: Yes! I'm very excited for you to go and learn.

My heart is heavy and confused. I'm excited, nervous, sad, proud, and feeling overwhelming blessed all at the same time. I don't want my kids to see me cry or know that I'm nervous. They'll understand someday, and maybe like me they'll think of their momma and know I felt the same way.

My vent...Not the dryer kind, you know, the rambling kind

So I've been away a while now missing in action. And by action I mean completely immersed in life and family. I wish I could say I'm sorry about it, but I am absolutely apologetically not in the least bit sorry. 

This morning I'm up early, which has kind of been the norm here lately. The house is quiet and I've had a ton of stuff on my mind lately. I've been thinking that I should take a journey here and revisit my little place and now seemed like as good of a time as any. So here I am.

I want and need to preface this post by saying that I am not perfect....no one is. We all have a Teacher who is without blemish and I prayed to him before I even started typing that what my fingers type on this screen wouldn't be foolish. So here goes....

"The first time someone shows you who they are, believe them.” 

“If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude. Don't complain.”

“I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”  

Maya Angelou

These three quotes pretty much sum up how I have been feeling lately. They also have been pushing me to improve myself and my attitude. 

I love the last quote about how you make people feel and after reading THIS POST I was reminded that it isn't just the words that flow from my mouth but also my posts....here, Facebook, twitter, you name it. 

I don't want words and posts out in the world that my children may someday find and think, What was my mom doing or thinking? She is complaining constantly about motherhood. When I'm a picky eater she is complaining. When life is difficult she is complaining. When I'm crying she is complaining. My two may not think that now, but if they could read my posts what would they think and learn as they grow, get married and learn to parent. Are they seeing that when I'm frustrated I turn to Facebook  Are they learning that when life gets difficult you go to social media to look for validation or do they see me looking to Jesus and the Word? Do they see that I complained to my hundreds of "friends" about how tired and scared they were? Do they see posts made when I should have had hands busy rubbing backs and soothing little ones that grow to fast and instead I was typing away on my phone? 

We are constantly connected without a hard stop built into place to force us to ask ourselves important questions before we click share. Important questions like, 

How does this make the world perceive me? It may not be who I think I am but please refer to the quotes above. 

How does this show the world who I am and how does it reflect on my spouse and my children? 

And lastly but most importantly, does what I am typing show the Light that my King lit in my soul when I accepted Him as my Savior?

So I'm going to try and do better and I sure hope some of my "friends" do too, because I sure am tired of all the griping....and that's my gripe